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I'm really not that good at reading out loud.

I'm horrible at speaking out loud with a group of people larger than like two. Even two is tough. It's not really public speaking that I'm horrible at. I usually dread any sort of public speaking endeavor, but at least with "public speaking," I can say what I want to and I come out of the experience not looking like a total retard. With public reading, though, I'm horrible. I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm reading out loud.... I don't know when to pause for air....

Today in Literature, we needed to read this practice essay or whatever to help us learn how the IB grades essays or something. The teacher asked random students to read from the essay. I was pretty confident that she wouldn't call on me. I mean, I'm sure she noticed my whole not-being-able-to-read-in-front-of-large-crowds thing. Apparently not.

I'm sitting there in my own little world when all of the sudden, my teacher is like, "Max, why don't you read now?"

Crap. That name-calling alone pushed enough adrenaline into my system to make me act is if I'd just consumed five hundred billion Red Bulls. I had no choice but to begin reading the paragraph out loud like I usually do. "Uhhh......"

I'm usually pretty darn terrible at reading anything out loud in school but today I reached a new level of terribleness. I didn't even know there were levels that low. You know how when you're reading something out loud and you really feel awkward at first so you try to reposition yourself or clear your throat to make it better but it only makes it worse? Much, much, much, MUCH worse? That's kind of how it was. My little reading ditty started out bad and it continued like "Blah blah blah...." Alright I'm kind of uncomfortable now. I can feel my face turning red. Crap. CRAP. Do something! "COUGH. COUGH. — Blah blah blah blah blah....." Oh no! I'm running out of air! In mid sentence! What should I do? Uhhh.... I guess pausing for five seconds would work.... "PAUSE...... PAUSE..... —blah blah blah and then BLAH." Oh GOD. My voice is so shaky. I sound like I'm trying to talk while operating a jackhammer! EFFING EFF EFF EFF! What should I do? Take another long pause! RIGHT IN MID SENTENCE AT A PAGE TURN! "Uhhhh....uh..... uh..... Blah blah..... uhh..... COUGH. COUGH." Holy effing monkey butt. This paragraph is A LOT longer than I thought it would be. Ohhh God. Ooooohhh Gooood. "Hm. Uh. Hm. Uh.... COUGH. Blah. Blah blah blah blah blah.... COUGH. COUGH."

This is where my literature teacher interrupts me. "Do you want me to continue?"

"Yes," I say as I bow my head in shame.

January 9, 2006 at 01:51 PM

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